Marvel’s Most Normal Man: Just Let Me Make Coffee!

Chapter 4: "Hela Just Wants Coffee"

I had seen my fair share of dramatic customers by now.

A self-proclaimed thunder god who devoured muffins like they were ambrosia? Check.

A cape-wearing trickster who acted like a discount Shakespeare villain? Check.

A billionaire who treated my café like his personal break room? Double check.

But none of them prepared me for her.

---

The Door Opened... and Everything Went Silent.

The usual morning chatter died instantly.

A woman walked in—tall, dressed in black, with an aura of pure authority. Her dark green eyes scanned the room like she owned it.

Her presence was intense.

And then, in a voice that could command armies, she said:

"…Do you have oat milk?"

I blinked.

"Uh. Yeah?"

She nodded. "Good. I'll have a latte."

The entire café exhaled in relief.

Meanwhile, Thor and Loki had frozen mid-sip. Their faces turned pale.

Loki choked on his coffee. "Sister?!"

Thor looked like he had seen a ghost. "Hela…?!"

The woman—Hela, apparently—gave them a bored glance. "Oh. You two."

I sighed. "Let me guess. Another sibling?"

Thor whispered in horror. "She's the goddess of death."

I raised an eyebrow. "And?"

Loki flinched. "And she's—she's—"

Hela groaned. "Oh, for Hel's sake. Can I just get my coffee?"

I shrugged. "Sure."

Loki gawked at me. "Are you seriously serving DEATH coffee right now?!"

I glanced at Hela. "Are you gonna pay for it?"

She smirked. "Of course."

"Then yeah. I don't see the problem."

Loki's eye twitched.

Meanwhile, Thor looked like he was questioning his entire life.

Hela casually took a seat, sipping her latte like this was just another Tuesday.

"…This is quite good," she admitted.

Thor hesitated. "…You are not here to kill us?"

Hela rolled her eyes. "Please. If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead."

Thor gulped.

Loki made a noise somewhere between a squeak and a gasp.

I sighed. "Alright, listen up, weird family reunion. No fighting in my café."

Hela raised an eyebrow, smirking. "You're quite bold."

"I just don't want to clean up the mess," I said flatly.

Hela chuckled. "I like you."

Thor nearly fell out of his chair.

Loki just stared at me, horrified.

Meanwhile, Nick Fury was outside in a van, now officially losing his mind.

---

Meanwhile, in S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ…

"Sir."

Fury pinched the bridge of his nose. "What now?"

"Hela is there."

Fury took a deep, calming breath.

"…Is she also powerless in the café?"

"Yes, sir."

"…And what's the barista doing?"

"Serving her coffee, sir."

Fury slowly put his head down on his desk.

"…I need a vacation."