Marvel’s Most Normal Man: Just Let Me Make Coffee!

Chapter 6: "Loki Tries to Explain, Fails Miserably"

The café was still dead silent. Everyone stared at Mistress Death, who was happily finishing her croissant like this wasn't the weirdest day in history.

Loki, looking paler than ever, leaned toward me, lowering his voice to a frantic whisper. "Do you understand what's happening right now?"

I grabbed a rag and wiped down the counter. "Yeah. You guys are having a collective meltdown over a woman eating breakfast."

Loki looked like he was about to faint. "That is not just a woman! That's Death! The Mistress of the End! The Final Resting Place! The Eternal—"

"She gave me exact change." I cut him off, unimpressed. "I think we're safe."

Loki let out a strangled noise while Thor clutched his hammer like it would protect him from a customer politely enjoying her meal. Hela, on the other hand, just smirked, clearly enjoying the chaos.

Death placed her napkin down and turned to me with a smile. "That was delightful. Thank you."

I nodded. "Glad you liked it. Let me know if you want anything else."

Loki looked at me like I had just punched Odin in the face. "You—You just—You're acting like—" He pointed wildly at Death. "She's just—"

"A normal customer?"

"Yes!"

Death let out a soft chuckle. "Perhaps I am just a normal customer here."

Thor, who had been silent this whole time, took a deep breath and asked the one question everyone seemed to be avoiding. "Why… are you here?"

Death tilted her head, then turned to me. "I was curious about him."

Loki nearly fell off his chair.

Thor's eyes widened. "You mean—"

"Yes," Death said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "This café owner."

I frowned. "Why? I'm just a guy running a coffee shop."

Hela chuckled. "Oh, you sweet, clueless fool."

Loki dragged his hands down his face. "You don't get it. Mistress Death doesn't just take an interest in people."

Death shrugged. "Perhaps I simply enjoy his company."

Thor leaned in, his expression a mix of confusion and horror. "Are you saying… you fancy him?"

Loki choked. "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING."

Hela smirked. "Oh, this is delightful."

I sighed. "Look, I don't know what kind of cosmic nonsense is happening here, but I'm just a regular guy. No superpowers. No magic. Just coffee and customer service."

Death smiled. "And that is precisely why you are interesting."

Loki slammed his hands on the table. "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY POWERFUL BEINGS HAVE TRIED TO COURT HER?"

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm guessing a lot?"

"A lot!" Loki threw his hands up. "Thanos worships her! Gods have offered entire civilizations to win her favor!"

Thor nodded. "Yet she has never shown interest in anyone… until now."

Death simply took another sip of her tea, watching my reaction.

I shrugged. "Well, she's a nice lady. Bit dramatic. But nice."

Loki made a high-pitched noise that didn't sound human. "You think Death is nice?!"

"She paid for her croissant."

Hela laughed, and even Death's lips twitched like she was amused.

Thor sat back, rubbing his temples. "I need more mead."

Loki slumped forward onto the table, muttering to himself. "This is madness… This is actual madness…"

Hela, clearly entertained, leaned toward me. "So, are you going to take her on a date?"

I blinked. "What?"

Loki snapped his head up. "What?!"

Thor almost fell off his chair.

Death simply sipped her tea, waiting for my answer.

I sighed. "I'm not dating anyone. I run a café. I don't have time for—"

"I'll help with your business." Death's voice was soft but firm.

I frowned. "What?"

She gestured around. "If I assist you here, would you consider spending time with me outside of work?"

Loki's face was frozen in horror. "Death is… asking him out."

Thor slowly nodded. "This is unprecedented."

I sighed, rubbing my temples. "Fine. You can help. But no weird death magic stuff, okay?"

Death smiled. "Of course."

Loki buried his face in his hands. "This is a nightmare."

Hela grinned. "Oh no, this is amazing."

Thor sighed, already accepting his fate. "I just hope the universe survives this."

Outside, Nick Fury was staring at the café from across the street.

He took a deep breath, pulled out his phone, and called someone. "Yeah. It's me. We have a problem."

Silence.

"…Mistress Death is working at a coffee shop."

Another pause.

"No, I'm not joking. We need to figure out what the hell is going on."

He hung up, sighed, and muttered to himself. "I really need a vacation."