Marvel’s Most Normal Man: Just Let Me Make Coffee!

Chapter 7: "Death Learns Customer Service (Loki Panics)"

Morning rush at the café was always chaotic.

People needed caffeine. Fast. And they were willing to fight for it.

Regulars knew the drill—order, pay, move. But today was different. Today, I had an assistant.

Death stood behind the counter, perfectly poised, hands clasped in front of her. The moment I handed her an apron, the café had gone completely silent.

Thor nearly dropped his mug.

Loki clutched his chest.

Hela sipped her tea with a knowing smirk.

I sighed. "Alright, first rule of customer service—"

"I will reap their souls if they are rude?" Death asked calmly.

Loki fell off his chair.

Thor gasped.

Hela chuckled. "Now that is a policy I can support."

I rubbed my temples. "No. You will not reap souls. You will smile, take their order, and serve their drinks."

Death tilted her head. "That sounds significantly less interesting."

Loki pointed at me, voice high-pitched. "You—you're making Death work in a café?!"

"Yes."

"Are you insane?!"

I turned to Death. "First customer."

A businessman stepped up hesitantly. "Uh… large cappuccino?"

Death looked at me expectantly.

I nodded. "Good. Now, you repeat the order."

She turned back to the man. "Large cappuccino."

The man visibly shuddered.

Loki whispered, horrified, "She's taking orders like she's sealing a mortal's fate."

Thor cringed.

I sighed. "Okay, let's try smiling."

Death's lips curled upward.

The customer took a step back. "I-I don't need the coffee anymore—" and ran out of the café.

Loki screamed.

Hela almost spit out her drink from laughing.

I sighed. "Maybe… less smiling."

Death nodded, adjusting her expression. "Understood."

Thor, gripping his hammer, leaned toward Loki. "Do you think he knows what he's doing?"

Loki's eye twitched. "No, I think he's completely oblivious."

The next customer hesitated before stepping forward. "Uh… just a small black coffee?"

Death turned to grab a coffee machine handle. The moment she did, nothing happened.

No swirling darkness. No eerie whispers. Just… normal coffee pouring into a cup.

Loki watched in horror.

Thor frowned. "That was… surprisingly normal."

Death placed the coffee in front of the customer. "Here is your drink. Cherish this moment."

The customer nodded weakly, tossed a $20 bill on the counter, and bolted out the door.

Loki turned to me, eyes wide. "This is a disaster. A cosmic-level disaster."

Thor exhaled slowly. "Yet… strangely fascinating."

Hela grinned. "This is my favorite show."

I patted Death's shoulder. "Great job. Maybe don't remind people of their mortality."

She nodded. "I will try."

Hela leaned closer. "You know… she hasn't used her powers once since she got here."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

Loki waved wildly. "She's Death! Reality should be collapsing! The air should be suffocating! The walls should be whispering in fear!"

I shrugged. "She's just making coffee."

Thor's fingers twitched. "This makes no sense…"

Hela just smirked. "I think it makes perfect sense."

Loki turned to me. "How… how are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

Loki grabbed my shoulders, shaking me. "You have removed Death's power, and you don't even know how!"

I blinked. "I think she's just trying something new."

Loki groaned, turning to Thor. "Brother, we need to leave. This is beyond us."

Thor nodded solemnly. "Yet… I cannot look away."

Death simply looked at me, waiting for more instructions. "What next?"

I sighed. "Alright. Let's try the register again."

Loki whispered to Thor. "This man is playing with fire."

Thor nodded. "And yet… I admire his confidence."

Death smiled at me. "Very well. I will learn."

I nodded. "That's the spirit."

Loki let out a muffled scream into his hands.