My Hallucinations Ahh

The University of Arizoma cafeteria had never seen a spectacle quite like this. Rows of tables stretched across the massive, fluorescent-lit hall, each stacked with absurd amounts of food—trays upon trays of greasy burgers, mountains of fries, a small lake of nacho cheese, and a singular, glowing Holy Grail-sized bowl of chili at the center of it all. This was the Annual All-You-Can-Eat Challenge, organized by the most infamous fraternity on campus—the Sigma-Omega-Sigma (SOS) Brigade.

Their leader, Harumiya Suzuhi, stood atop a precariously stacked tower of cafeteria trays, megaphone in one hand and a plate of suspiciously glowing mac & cheese in the other. Her hair defied physics. So did her charisma. Beside her, Koizuma Itsuki adjusted his sunglasses, watching the scene unfold with a knowing smirk. Asahine Mikuro fidgeted nervously, whispering about the time-eating properties of omelet rice, while Nagase Yuuki leaned back in her chair, cracking her knuckles and already mentally consuming half the menu.

"LISTEN UP, MORTALS!" Harumiya bellowed, megaphone completely unnecessary. "THIS IS THE U.A. SPORTS FESTIVAL, WHERE ONLY THE STRONGEST, MOST DIGESTIVELY GIFTED SHALL PREVAIL. WHOEVER CONSUMES THE MOST FOOD SHALL BECOME AN IMMORTAL LEGEND IN THE ANNALS OF THIS GLORIOUS INSTITUTION. ALSO, YOU GET A $25 CAFETERIA GIFT CARD!"

The crowd roared. Among them stood Midoriya Izuku, still recovering from his Texas Roadrage experience, somehow roped into this disaster of an event. Beside him, Bakugo Katsuki crossed his arms, glaring at the chili like it had personally insulted his family. A few seats away, Todoroki Shoto simply stared at his plate of curry, deep in philosophical contemplation. Meanwhile, Toga Himiko, disguised as Bakugo, tried to convince Kirishima Eijiro that she was "totally a manly dude who loves spicy food and explosions, bro." Kirishima nodded, unbothered.

On the other side of the room, Aizawa Shota sighed into his coffee, regretting every life decision that led him here. Nezu watched from the shadows, intrigued by the potential implications of using food-based challenges for Quirk assessments. Endeavor had no idea why he was here but was somehow still judging everyone.

"Alright, let's get this started," Harumiya grinned, turning toward Present Mic, who was attempting to discreetly sneak away.

"Uh, nope," he said, holding up his hands. "I am NOT narrating whatever madness this is. I came here for the discount coffee."

Harumiya gasped, clutching her chest like he had personally betrayed her. "Yamada Hizashi," she said, voice dripping with theatrical heartbreak, "you wound me. Would you truly refuse an opportunity to be loud with a microphone and no consequences?"

Present Mic twitched.

"You could say whatever you want," Harumiya continued, eyes gleaming with unholy amusement. "Shout into that megaphone at max volume and nobody can stop you. Imagine—your voice, echoing through the hallowed halls of this cafeteria. All Might himself might hear it! The world NEEDS your enthusiasm!"

That was it. That was the bait.

Present Mic took a deep breath, grabbed the mic with both hands, and with a voice that could shatter glass, yelled:

"YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH! WHAT'S UP, U.A. SPORTS FESTIVAL COMPETITORS?! OUR FIRST CHALLENGE—IF YOU SURVIVE—WILL TEST YOUR GUTS, GLORY, AND STOMACH CAPACITY!"

Harumiya smirked. Hook, line, and megaphone.

The first trays of food were brought out. A mountain of fully loaded nachos, with cheese cascading down like a forbidden golden waterfall, was placed before each contestant. The rules? No hands. Only mouths.

Midoriya stared at the plate before him. He had fought villains. He had trained under Gran Torino. But nothing—nothing—had prepared him for this moment.

Todoroki simply froze his entire plate solid and bit chunks off like an absolute psychopath. Yaoyorozu Momo, seated across from him, attempted to create a nacho-eating utensil out of pure dignity, but was tackled by Mineta, who just wanted free food. Iida Tenya attempted to maintain decorum, but his attempts to enforce "proper dining etiquette" were completely ignored. Uraraka Ochaco, unsure if the nachos were expensive or not, decided to eat them anyway just to be safe.

Meanwhile, Bakugo had already exploded his nachos into dust and declared himself victorious. Shigaraki Tomura, watching from the corner, muttered, "I could just decay all of it and win," before Kurogiri reminded him this wasn't a villain meeting. Dabi shrugged, casually setting his nachos on fire.

And this was only the beginning.

The cafeteria was descending into pure chaos. Nacho fragments littered the battlefield. Cheese dripped from tables. The air was thick with the scent of salsa and hubris. Somewhere in the corner, Aoyama Yuuga was dramatically monologuing about the aesthetic of eating with dignity while simultaneously choking on a jalapeño.

But at the center of the storm, a rivalry older than time itself was unfolding.

Midoriya Izuku vs. Bakugo Katsuki.

Both had cleared their nacho plates at a terrifying pace, locked in a silent war of spite. Bakugo had nearly atomized his tray in an explosion of sheer rage, while Midoriya had meticulously analyzed the optimal nacho-eating technique with 100% All Might Approved efficiency.

Present Mic, now fully committed to his role as announcer of gastronomic destruction, leaned in.

"AND WE HAVE A TIIIIIIIIIIE!!! TWO COMPETITORS, TWO EMPTY PLATES, ONE DESTINY—WHO WILL BE THE TRUE NUMBER ONE???"

Bakugo slammed his hands on the table, igniting a small fire. "TIE?! NO WAY IN HELL, EXTRAAAAAA!!! I'M GONNA—"

Before he could finish, Harumiya materialized from nowhere, landing on the table with unnatural, anime-protagonist energy.

"YOU FOOLS," she declared, pointing at them both. "You've only just begun! TRUE VICTORY CAN ONLY BE CLAIMED THROUGH—"

She gestured wildly.

"THE NEXT ROUND."

A shadow fell over them.

The cafeteria doors opened.

A hush spread across the room.

And then—

A cart was wheeled in. On it sat a towering monstrosity, glistening under the harsh cafeteria lights. A single burrito, the size of a fully grown toddler, wrapped in foil that could probably reflect light straight into orbit.

The "Texas Titan XL Ultimate Gut Buster Burrito".

Rumors spoke of this legendary burrito. No one had ever finished it.

Not even Fat Gum.

The burrito was set before Midoriya and Bakugo like some ancient relic of destruction. A challenge passed down through generations. A symbol of ultimate dominance.

Bakugo's eyes twitched. "...I'm blowing it up."

Midoriya shook his head. "That would be unsportsmanlike, Kacchan."

"THEN WHAT'S YOUR GAME, NERD?!"

Midoriya took a deep breath. His mind raced. If All Might could defeat All For One, then surely he—Izuku Midoriya—could defeat a burrito.

Then, he realized.

The key to winning... wasn't eating it.

It was absorbing its power.

Midoriya reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny bottle labeled "Eraserhead's Secret Weapon." A gift from Aizawa, who had once cryptically said, "Use this wisely."

It was concentrated black coffee.

Midoriya poured the entire thing into his mouth in one shot.

His pupils dilated. His synapses fired at 20,000% efficiency.

Ultra Instinct Eating Mode: Activated.

Before anyone could react, Midoriya vanished from sight.

The burrito vanished with him.

Silence.

Then—

The foil wrapper hit the floor.

Midoriya reappeared, perfectly fine, licking the last bit of salsa from his fingers.

The room erupted.

Present Mic screamed into the megaphone. "WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!"

Aizawa, watching from the corner, took a sip of his coffee. "Huh. Guess it worked."

Nezu stroked his chin. "Fascinating. If we refine this technique, we may be able to weaponize Midoriya's metabolism."

Meanwhile, Bakugo was losing his mind.

"YOU—WHAT—THAT'S NOT HOW FOOD WORKS, NERD!!!!"

Midoriya turned to him, eyes still glowing with caffeine-induced enlightenment.

"Kacchan," he said, "I have become the burrito."

Bakugo screamed.

He leapt onto the table, detonating every plate in sight, launching himself straight at Midoriya in a flying explosion of pure, unfiltered spite.

Midoriya, still on a caffeine high only understood by gods and quantum physicists, dodged effortlessly.

The explosion launched Bakugo into the kitchen.

A pause.

Then, from behind the counter—

A horrified chef yelled, "WHO LET A HUMAN GRENADE IN MY FREEZER?!"

Harumiya clapped her hands. "Well, that settles it! THE WINNER OF ROUND TWO—"

She pointed dramatically at Midoriya.

"IZUKU "BURRITO" MIDORIYA, NUMBER ONE OF U.A. SPORTS FESTIVAL!!!"

Confetti cannons fired.

No one knew where they came from.

Todoroki, calmly eating a half-melted ice cream, nodded. "This is the only logical conclusion."

Bakugo, still stuck in the freezer, screamed in pure betrayal.