My Hallucinations Ahh

Somewhere deep in a hidden underground lair, surrounded by machinery humming with unholy power, All For One, the greatest criminal mastermind of all time, stood before an enormous holographic display. He folded his hands behind his back, gazing at the screen with the satisfaction of a man who had just achieved something so incomprehensibly genius that future historians would have no choice but to either worship him or assume he was insane.

Behind him, Shigaraki Tomura, heir to evil, king of decay, the one-time destined destroyer of all hero society, sat slumped in a chair that looked like it was designed for ergonomic suffering. He squinted at the display.

A singular notification glowed brightly.

📦 "Super Totally Not Important Random Box (Definitely Not Every Quirk in the World)"

Shipped via: FedUpEx

Destination: His Own Address

📦 "Status: Delayed – Package Lost in Transit (As Expected)"

Shigaraki blinked.

"You what."

AFO turned with a smile so smug it could have been bottled and sold as a luxury cologne for villains. "It's quite simple, my dear Tomura. I have taken every single quirk I have stolen and placed them into one single shipment, which has now been irreversibly lost in transit."

A long silence stretched between them.

Shigaraki rubbed his temples.

"So let me get this straight," he said, voice dangerously level. "You spent decades stealing quirks. You built an empire on hoarding them. You manipulated generations of villains to bring us to this exact moment in history. And then you—"

A deep inhale.

"You boxed them all up."

A slow exhale.

"And you shipped them to yourself."

"Correct," AFO nodded. "With FedUpEx."

Shigaraki stared into the abyss of his own existence.

There were many times in his life where he had felt as though he were standing on the edge of something profound, something that could define him, change him, twist his understanding of the world forever. The moment All Might crushed his dreams with a single punch. The time Kurogiri revealed the truth about his past. The first time he felt his quirk activate and realized he could turn the world to dust.

But none of those moments compared to this.

Because this—this was the moment he realized he had spent years following a man who had the strategic depth of a Looney Tunes villain.

His fingers twitched.

"This... this is worse than that time Present Mic got tricked into hosting the U.A. Sports Festival All-You-Can-Eat Challenge at the University of Arisoma."

AFO chuckled, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Ah, yes. That was an amusing turn of events. Harumiya Suzuhi truly outdid herself that day."

Shigaraki groaned. His soul was exiting his body.

"The leader of the Sigma-Omega-Sigma Brigade," he muttered. "A girl who singlehandedly convinced an entire university that an all-you-can-eat contest was a sports festival event. A girl who made Present Mic the official announcer. A girl who, through sheer force of will, convinced half the student body to compete in a burrito apocalypse. And you're telling me you're just like her?"

"Well," AFO shrugged. "One might say we share similar visionary qualities."

Shigaraki was going to be sick.

"But of course," AFO continued, "this is far greater in scope. Imagine it, Tomura. A world without quirks! A world where strength is no longer dictated by genetics, but by pure determination. No longer will society be divided by the gifted and the powerless. We will all stand on equal footing at last!"

Shigaraki slumped forward. His head hit the desk with a dull thud.

"Then why didn't you just... delete them? Burn them? Throw them into the sun?"

AFO waved a hand dismissively.

"Too inefficient. Too complicated. Too many possibilities for failure. But FedUpEx? That is the one force in the world I can trust. Their packages are never delivered. It is a universal constant."

Shigaraki's life flashed before his eyes.

A childhood of neglect. A father who struck him down. A destiny of destruction. And now, this.

This was it.

This was the moment of true despair.

"Y'know," he muttered into the desk, "somewhere out there, Midoriya and Bakugo are probably fighting over something stupid again. Probably screaming at each other over some food-related grudge. And meanwhile, I'm here, realizing my life has been one long, unskippable cutscene leading up to this absolute disaster."

AFO smirked. "Ah, but it is not a disaster. It is a masterpiece."

At that moment, across the world, in a FedUpEx warehouse, a single package—glowing faintly with the combined power of every quirk in existence—sat forgotten in a corner.

It was never going to be delivered.

Or is it.