Naruto:This Time, I, Kotetsu Hagane, Will No Longer Be Lazy

The sun was high in the sky, casting a warm glow over Konoha's bustling merchant square. Kotetsu stood at the entrance of the square, scanning the area with a sense of resignation. The weekend had arrived, so that meant training with his sensei. But after that he had absolutely no plans. That is, until he heard an all-too-familiar voice shout from behind.

"Hey, Kotetsu! Wait up, you spiky porcupine!"

Kotetsu sighed, turning around to face the source of the disturbance. Anko Mitarashi, grinning like a mischievous fox, bounced up to him. She was dressed casually, with her signature jacket and headband hanging loosely, her hair falling in wild, untamed waves.

"You're the last person I expected to be out here," Kotetsu muttered, eyeing her suspiciously. "What are you up to, Anko?"

Oh, nothing much, just got off a mission the other day and thought I'd do some shopping

She then looked around comically with her hand made to do a gesture to shield her eyes from the sun then looked at me like she was going to whisper a secret. "Well, that's strange where's your butt-buddy."

Oh, ha, ha, funny. I could say the same to you, where's your girlfriend?

Anko looked genially confused, pointing to herself. 'Who was this bastard talking about.'

Kotetsu just shrugged, "Oh you know, Kurenai, Yugao, or little Hana just pick one."

Upon hearing this Anko smirked back with a mischievous look. "Awe is needle dick jealous he's not getting any attention." She then pats him on the back to console him. "It's okay, I'm sure one day someone will play with your rusty kunai."

Kotetsu brushed it off, this is just how Anko acts, "right, right so why are you really out here."

"Oh, you know me," Anko said with a wink. "I'm just here to gather some... *important intel* for a future vict- I-I mean friend.

Kotetsu just sweat drops, "you were totally about to say victim?"

Anko waves it off, You wouldn't be interested in coming with me to the ninja pawn shop, would you?"

Kotetsu raised an eyebrow. "A pawn shop? And why would I want to get involved in your crazy schemes?"

Anko shot him a sly grin. "Well, maybe you'll find something... interesting. Besides, I need someone to help me haggle-down the price. You're good at that, right?"

"Good at haggling?" Kotetsu had no knowledge of negotiations, he just complained enough people started to believe it.' " Kotetsu grumbled, though a part of him was intrigued. It wasn't like he had anything better to do.

"Fine, I'll make it worth your while!" Anko said, in a more seductive tone. Putting her breast against his chest, as her breath tickled his neck.

Kotetsu put a hand on head, shaking his head, as if done with the conversation. "Fine you win, where's it at?" 

Anko did a complete 180, getting off him, and raising her fist in the air like a certain blonde knuckle-head. "Come on, let's go see what kind of dirt we can dig up!"

With Kotetsu reluctantly in tow, the two made their way to the merchant square. The shops were crowded, with vendors shouting out their wares, but the real prize was the small, rundown pawn shop tucked between two larger, flashier stores. A faded sign hung above the door:

"Shinobi Treasures and Curiosities"

"This is the place," Anko declared, gesturing dramatically toward the door.

Kotetsu wasn't sure if it was the dusty smell or the questionable looks of the store, but something about it gave him a bad feeling. Still, he followed Anko inside, his curiosity piqued.

The shop was dimly lit, shelves crammed with everything from strange scrolls to weird trinkets. An elderly shopkeeper with a long, scraggly beard sat behind the counter, looking half asleep. He perked up when he saw the two of them enter.

"Ah, customers!" the old man croaked. "What can I do for you today?"

Anko leaned on the counter, her eyes gleaming with mischief. "I'm just here to see if you've got any "interesting" stories about some of your shinobi gear," she said. "You know, stuff with... a history."

The old man chuckled. "Oh, I've got plenty of stuff like that , young lady. But... if you're after something special, I've got just the thing." Soon the two got into a photo album full of absolute gold blackmailing potential.

"Kukuku." Anko started to laugh like a certain serpent eyed Sanin.

As the shop keep was giving her plenty of material as she didn't know so many dares, bets, and awkward one night stands on new year eve happened in one shinobi village.

Anko couldn't help but say " Oh how the mighty Uchiha clan has fallen." or " Isn't that the great Third Hokage-same." or even "That Damn Danzo." 

But the one that took the cake was the one she heard legends about. The shinobi Christmas party from 2 years ago. The blackmailing potential from the photo was so beautiful she'd cry, and want to shake the hand of the person taking the picture and tell them good job.

Meanwhile Kotetsu walked to the back of the store to a barrel of rusty swords in the corner of the shop where an imposing weapon lay with the trash pile.

Kotetsu's eyes narrowed. The weapon was massive, the shell-shaped mace almost glowing faintly, even under the dim light. It looked out of place, as if it had been sitting there for ages, waiting for someone to take it.

"That... thing?" Kotetsu asked, feeling an odd tug in his gut. "It looks... kinda familiar."

"You're sharp, kid," the shopkeeper said, his eyes twinkling. "It's the Conch Shell Mace. Been here for years. No one wants it, though... too cursed, they say."

"Cursed?" Kotetsu raised an eyebrow, feeling a mix of amusement and skepticism. "What do you mean by cursed?"

The old man grinned, rubbing his hands together like a man who had been waiting for this moment. "Ah, well, that's the fun part. You see, every owner of that weapon... well, let's just say they didn't meet pleasant ends."

Kotetsu's hand hovered over his wallet, still uncertain. "I'm listening…"

The shopkeeper leaned forward, eager to spill the beans. "First owner—had an affair with his kunoichi girlfriend and a baker's daughter. Caught 'em in the act, completely naked. What happens next? Out of sheer fear of what his Jonin Genjutsu specialist girlfriend would do the guy dies on the spot, naked and embarrassed. The girlfriend out of rage sold off all his belongings for cash."

Anko snorted. "Damn that's cold, wait? You're telling me he died... naked?"

"Yup, the Genjutsu didn't even kill him—he was just so scared of what she would do he had a heart attack," the old man explained, barely containing his laughter.

Kotetsu blinked. "Okay... that's a start. Any other stories?"

"Oh, plenty!" The shopkeeper continued. "Second guy? Slipped on soap coming out of the bath. Broke his back in the process, got his head stuck in the water, drowned right there. The mace was untouched. Third guy? Caught in the act by his own student as the man was getting a blowjob from the boys own mother, so the student stole the weapon and used it against him to reclaim his honor. And don't get me started on the one who tripped over his own feet in battle and died by explosive tag, I think he was a Senju too."

Anko burst out laughing. "So it's a ''death curse''... except it's just a string of the most embarrassing deaths ever?"

Kotetsu looked at the mace, then back at the shopkeeper. "Is it really cursed or are you just telling stories to get rid of it?"

The old man shrugged. "Could be both. That thing has been in and out of my store so many times I really don't care if you don't believe me and leave or steal it and get yourself killed. Its all the same, that item comes back to me in the end anyways."

Kotetsu glanced back at Anko, who was still chuckling. "You're seriously considering buying this?"

"It's... cheap," Kotetsu said, still not entirely sure why he was even entertaining the idea.

He remembered this weapon in the original work, when Kotetsu used it against Hidan and Kakuzo. And he was fine in the end of that fight, heck him and Izumo came back and were able to fight relatively good against a Kage level ninja as just mere Chunin's. 

So with the luck of his past self he should be fine, as the pair lived even up into Boruto's time.

And besides this weapon feels...."familiar. Like it's calling me."

Anko raised an eyebrow. "So you're gonna buy it? After hearing about all these weird, tragic deaths?"

Kotetsu reached into his pouch and tossed the shopkeeper the exact amount. "Yeah, I think I will. I'll take it."

The old man grinned widely. "Whatever fine with me!" As the old man counted the money.

Kotetsu took the weapon, feeling its weight settle in his hands. He could feel its chakra, faint, "like its absorbing my chakra."

'But alive, pulsing against his palm. As he examined it closer, something clicked. The shape, the aura—it reminded him of something... the Three-Tails, Isobu.'

I don't know why but this thing was never fully explained in the original work but many fans theorized it was made off the shell of the three-tails Isobu. But know I'm sure theirs something to it. But the old Kotetsu in the original work was much too lazy to look into it or just didn't care.

Anko eyed him warily. "You sure about this? So it drains chakra and has a curse on it? It sounds like it only does bad things."

"I don't know," Kotetsu said, shrugging. "But there's something about it."

The two buy the items they held and left the shop. Anko couldn't help but shake her head. " Y-know Kotetsu your starting to act more crazier lately, is everything Okay? First you want to train, then you buy a cursed, chakra-draining mace with a history of embarrassing deaths—knowing all this and you "paid" for it. What the hell is wrong with you?"

Kotetsu held the mace up, inspecting it once more. "Maybe... but I can't shake the feeling that this was meant to be mine for a reason. Like it's more than just some cursed object."

Anko shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat. Just don't come crying to me when it *drains your chakra* and you end up *slipping on soap*."

Kotetsu smirked, the weapon now feeling like a part of him, despite all the strange warnings.