Rebirth and Blood

The world rarely made sense anymore...or was it that it never made sense and everyone just pretended that it did to get by? He guessed it didn't matter either way since he was still here even after everything. There had been fifty? Seventy people he had killed and he learned to stop feeling bad about it before he took his first. After all what the fuck did it matter since they were bad people and everyone cheered for him?

He knew it was supposed to be wrong, but nobody stopped him. Hell, people paid him to do it and those rats in the government kept him above the law 90% of the time. He was what people needed and they needed a gun to wave around at anyone who wanted to upset the status quo and when All Might and Endeavor couldn't keep up with the monsters of this world, they needed a new weapon to replace the broken ones.

He knew he was never going to be anything more the second he saw that fugly hand face bastard and he accepted it. He didn't love it, but he didn't hate it. It was just a job to him and he got paid to do it while the others kept acting the parts of distractions for the public. He was the best, he was number one and this was what it got him.

Fuck, he contemplated just walking into Tartarus every year and going cell to cell just to make his job easier and reweigh the scales. He knew he could get away with it, after all who gave a fuck about a bunch of killers, rapists and worse? Nobody would raise an eyebrow other than the people investing in the prison and even then they could be dealt with by either blowing them up or just refusing to work until they were deposed.

After all, nobody gave a fuck about him anymore unless he paid them either in cash or blood. Round Face hardly talked to him, Spiky Hair ran to the States, Icy Hot only talked to him about work and everyone else was scared of him. Auntie Inko only called every so often and even then it was just to make sure he was alive and his mother still blamed him for what happened to dad.

Really the only person he had now was Deku and honestly that was why he hadn't gone off to Tartarus and blasted the caged animals or started just killing street thugs instead of holding back. He didn't want to make the one person who always believed in him disappointed. The world may see him as a weapon only, but Deku saw him as a hero and a friend so he was worth suffering a bit.

Sure he may have been rough with the geek, but it wasn't any different then when he pushed him off the slide or pushed him in the sand. Really he was just toughening the guy up for the world since nobody else was doing it. Besides it was just a little rough housing in their youth, he doubted Deku even remembered half of that shit. They even had rewind shots so those old scars were probably gone.

He thought about the money again. He hoped it would help him get to a better place since Deku would doubtlessly do the same for him. So what was a few millions to him? He wiped his ass with that amount and it made Deku happy so it was worth it. He'd give more if the nerd wanted it since he could always make more, but Katsuki couldn't help not worrying in the silence of his house.

It had been a day since he gave his number to Deku and the guy hadn't called. After so long there wasn't a chance in hell Deku wouldn't want to talk to his best friend and to add to it he wasn't at his apartment like he said he would be. Was he alright? Did something happen while he was away on the mission? Did some fucking villain get him?

"Get a grip you fucker. Deku just got two million so he's doubtlessly spending it with that weird ass girlfriend he supposedly has." 

The hero shook his head at the thought. He knew damn well how much power pussy had over a man and how it changes a person, but he wished Deku would be interested in hanging out with him then screwing his bitch. However they weren't kids anymore so Deku had some of his own life to live instead of endlessly following him around. 

Maybe he should call first instead, after all Deku probably thought he was busy with being the best. Yeah that was it, Deku was just being considerate that's all. It wasn't that he forgot about him and just took the money and ran...right?

A tremor came over his hands. He fought them as he scrolled through his phone and found one of the ten contacts and punched the speed dial. Briefly he was glad he had set Deku as his emergency contact with how ill he felt as the call waited to connect.

His eyes closed and lowered his head, suddenly feeling like he was back inside that marble.

"Please pick up, please Deku."

He quietly whimpered to himself as the dial tone kept going, praying that it went through. Then like a light in the darkness there came the voice that whispered to him at his lowest moments, telling him to keep going.

"Hello?"

A smile grew on Katsuki's face as if he was a child again and his voice went an octane from the joy he felt.

"Hey Deku, just wanted to drop a line and make sure you were doing alright since you weren't at your apartment yesterday when I got off my job. So how's things with you right now?"

There was a pause on the other line that was interrupted by a heavy sigh.

"Nothing much now. Girlfriend just fell asleep so I'm up just reading some cheap sci-fi novel she had laying around to kill time. Though I get the feeling she's gonna kill me for sneaking outta bed, but it's hard to sleep ya know?"

Katsuki nodded sympathetically despite having a gnawing feeling in his gut.

"I feel ya. So what's keeping you up?"

Izuku said nothing for a moment with his voice plunging with guilt when the words came out. He sounded like the same old Deku as before and there was even a bit of regret in it.

"Did you really have to give me that? I'm glad to have it, but I don't know what to do."

The blond shrugged, not feeling the sense of financial dread in his friend's soul since he had long forgotten such basic worries long ago.

"It's fine man, really. You go use that stuff for whatever you want. Fuck, I can give ya more if you need."

In an instant Izuku's voice shot up to a high, urging tone that fit the image of the straight laced nerd he knew. If Katsuki was there he could picture the geek waving a sweaty hand around and looking all over the place.

"No, no I'm fine Kacchan. You've already done more than enough."

There was a trace of something in his voice that irked the hero. It was the same sort of polite restraint of pain that always, without fail, led to far greater problems in people's hearts.

"Something else is bugging you, what is it?"

A few mumbles came next before the quirkless man inhaled and calmed down. His voice was flat and frank, like he had grown tired of his own inadequacies.

"I tried following your advice and bringing her into stuff other then sex, but she didn't humor me. I love this girl Kacchan, but it's just been sparring or talking or fucking. We only went on one date in the past six months and...honestly that stuff you talked about had me worried. Things are good and strong now, but shouldn't there be more to what we do?"

Katsuki laughed at the question.

"You're fine for now. If the lady wants to screw then screw, you have all the time in the world to add more stuff to your lives. Just...pace yourself and trust they won't disappear on you, because if you put too much emotional weight on it then it'll snap, got it?"

Relief filtered into Izuku's voice at his words. It was like hearing such simple advice eased whatever doubts the man was having.

"Got it Kacchan."

The pro smirked. Tally one more repayment to his light off the list and only a trillion plus more to go. 

"Good, now speaking of chicks, you mind explaining who tall, thin and scaly was in that picture?"

The relief vanished from his soul without a hint of decay, leaving a heavy cloth of pain, regret and other feelings Katsuki couldn't label from voice alone. It was a small, quiet yet firm beyond belief point with the pressure of years behind it.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

If ever there was a time for Katsuki to pick up on the mood of another he decided it was now and chose to drop the topic faster then he dropped Shigaraki's bloody corpse on the pavement.

"That's fine. So, what'd ya got planned for the week? I called up your work and they said you took seven days off once the paperwork got turned in. Frankly, I can't blame ya when you had to work in a dump like that."

A grin got plastered over the hero's face when he pictured something that he himself needed more than he cared to admit.

"Hey how 'bout you and me go hang out somewhere tomorrow? We could even go to Junto Land like we wanted back when we were kids."

A sharp inhale came from the other line that was the go-to habit for every adult who wanted to let someone down gently.

"Look, that does sound nice, but I need to-"

There was the sound of light footfall from Deku's end, the sort made when someone wanted to be heard coming. Instantly his entire demeanor changed to one far more relaxed and jovial.

"Hey, sorry if I woke you up."

A laugh came next from the quirkless man, one Katsuki had never heard in his life long association with the geek.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll come to bed in a minute, just let me-"

Springs squeezed and leather whined in the next heartbeat with what could only be described as a shuffling sound coming next.

"Jeez, you can't wait a few seconds? Alright you pretty thing we can stay here for a while."

There came a sharp, wet smacking sound that doubtlessly came from a kiss, then Deku brought his attention to the call again, sounding more at ease and happy then he had ever heard the man.

"I'll talk to you later dude, I got a needy blonde to take care of."

The call ended without missing a beat, leaving the hero alone again in his home. His fingers gripped around the device and squeezed it. The power of his overly trained palm snapping the inner glass while sweat beaded down in a mounting anger. There was a loud *Boom* as his hand ignited and combusted the phone. 

Looking down at the ruin of a perfectly good phone Katsuki growled as his fist flew forward and slammed into the drywall. Wood snapped and plasture broke when he removed his hand, moving himself down to the training room on the first floor and setting his sights on the heavy bag once the automatic lights flipped on.

Stupid fucking Deku. Here he was trying to be nice and spend a little time with his best friend, but that idiot would rather pound some crazy bitch than hang out with the guy who always had his back. Sure there were other chances for them to spend time together, but it was the principal of the matter. He wanted to see his friend again and relieve their old memories and go to places they never could have in youth. Couldn't Deku have done that for him at least?

Throwing a high kick at the bag, Katsuki mentally shook his head. It wasn't Deku's fault, the man had obligations to his life and at the moment whoever that bitch is was a part of it. He understood that but he couldn't banish the feeling of fury that it brought. Deku was his best friend, he'd be there in a flash if that idiot needed anything and what he got in return was a write off?

Maybe if he had a pussy then the geek would have tried harder to reconnect.

Sighing as he began to break a sweat the hero wiped down the bag and threw his gloves to the side. He needed to sleep and worrying about little things wasn't going to help that. Deku was still his number one supporter, he'd always be in his corner so it was right to let the guy have his space. Taking himself up into his bedroom, Katsuki threw his clothes off and cranked up the AC to keep from sweating in his sleep. Last thing he needed was to blow up another mattress.

Yet he needed to do the thing like always before falling asleep, so he turned towards his closet and opened it. Searching around near the back the explosion user pulled out a small black metal box. He hesitated for a moment as sweat gathered on his palms with fear and anger flooding his brain. Taking the emotions down and calming himself, he slowly dialed in the code for the lock inside along with scanning his fingerprint until the hydraulic arms lifted the lid to reveal what was inside.

He glared at the thing like it was a key to hell and it may as well be with who it originally belonged to. Resting in the box was a bronze coated hand a little smaller than his that once held the entire world hostage and murdered his father. His only trophy from the war and his only reminder that his worst nightmare was truly dead. That bastard couldn't be alive without his hand so he had to be gone.

Yet even as the evidence stared him in the face Katsuki couldn't help but grimace. Nobody on earth knew where the rest of that monster was since it was mysteriously lost in transport with nobody even finding the driver or the truck or the security crew. But he had to believe that the monster was gone, that he couldn't come back, otherwise he'd never sleep again.

Deku was in his life again so things were looking up. He would rebuild his old memories one by one with his best friend and then be able to live a happy, carefree life with Deku. The only thing he needed to do was hunt down that shapeshifting bitch and gut her along with the remnants of the Carmine regiment that vanished in the aftermath and everything would be okay. He'd get to be a kid again and nobody bad would ever hurt him or his friends again.

He just wished he could call up Round Face one more time, but she always tried to keep him at an arm's length.

Putting the box away and locking it, the number one hero set himself on his mattresses and laid bare on the sheets with only the locket around his neck. Reaching out to his nightstand he undid a cool bottle of water and put three sleeping pills in his mouth and swallowed with aid of the liquid. He was proud of himself for not mixing them with whisky like a few weeks ago, but as he laid there Katsuki felt clammy, dead fingers resting on his chest and saw a horrible, decaying face grin at him with malicious red eyes.

Sweat formed all over his body as his brain screamed at him to attack, to flee, but the man glared at the thing.

"You're not real. You're just a figment of my imagination. I killed you so you can't be real."

He said like so many times before as he reached for the small pendant around on his chest and opened it. He stared at the picture, one of him and Deku when they were little, like it could shine even the worst of darkness away. His thumb caressed the photo and before long the specter of the demon was gone. He smiled as a tear crawled down his cheek at the memories.

"Don't worry Deku, Kacchan is here to make everything okay now and we can have fun like we used to. Nobody will hurt you so long as I'm around and I promise everything is gonna be nice and kind and warm because you helped me so damn much. I love you man, I love you like a brother and I'm sorry I was never there when you needed help. If you were around with those quirk notebooks we probably would have figured out how to beat that old bastard before Shigaraki could use his power."

He sniffled as more tears came, feeling all the pain of his time come crashing down like it did every night when he talked to Deku.

"I wish you coulda met Spiky Hair, he was such a great guy that I'm sure you would have been great friends. Maybe you could have even married Frog Legs since you both were such weirdos. I...I m-missed you so damn much Deku, I…"

At last it came undone and he began to cry in earnest as the damage of holding the whole world up came to him. He shut the locket and just forgot himself in his sorrow for an innocence long lost until his throat was hoarse and his eyes dry. He shivered and whimpered before gazing up at his original All Might poster which had his idol smiling down at him, reminding him what he fought for.

He stared back in reverence for the man, understanding the pain in those blue eyes and amazed the titan could smile all the while. Turning over onto his side, Katsuki shut his eyes as the pills took effect and soon he was somewhere else. He was four again, playing on a warm summer's day with Deku on a playground feeling like it would never end and the two of them would be friends forever, away from all the evils in this world.