The Unbelievers

Chapter 58

“I have a business trip scheduled for next week, so I won’t be able to come for a few days.”

“When?”

“From next Wednesday to Friday. The CEO will be going on this trip as well.”

“I’m not curious about what you or the Director do for a living.”

“Still, I thought I’d let you know in advance because you might worry if you don’t see us for a day or two after seeing us every day.”

“Why would I worry about you, ahjussi?”

“I meant me, not the CEO.”

“…I dislike the Director even more.”

“Eunseong, you dislike so many things, you must feel full.”

Whatever had happened between the two of them, Yoo Siwoon was quick to avoid the topic whenever Director Nam brought up Eunseong, and Eunseong would get angry at the mere mention of Yoo Siwoon.

“Then I’ll report to the CEO that we’ve decided on London. I prepared information on about a dozen places, it’s a shame it went to waste.”

“Leave them here, I’ll look at them later.”

“There’s no need to look further since we’ve decided. I was thinking of recommending this place if you chose somewhere strange.”

He could say it was fortunate that they hadn’t wasted time. Director Nam put the various catalogs, materials, and tablet spread out on the table into his briefcase.

After the college entrance exam, Eunseong’s school was having shortened classes. By the time he returned from school, it was lunchtime. Unlike before, when he was busy with school and academies, he now had a lot of time alone. Seemingly concerned about this, Yoo Siwoon had asked Director Nam to have lunch with Eunseong when picking him up from school.

Director Nam looked at Eunseong with frustration, as he didn’t know how much attention Yoo Siwoon was devoting to him, nor could he guess how much he had given up.

Then, worried that he might be unconsciously believing in implausible prophecies like Seongha’s devotees, he quickly shook his head.

It wasn’t a thought a mature adult should have. Leaving prophecies aside, even he felt regret, so how must Yoo Siwoon, the person directly involved, feel? It was natural for him to be tempted, having been pushed to the periphery and bearing the role of cleaning up the group’s mess.

Moreover, Eunseong liked him regardless of the resonance. It was clearly visible that Yoo Siwoon was also attracted to Eunseong, even while saying it shouldn’t be.

He had heard that the ‘Great Rift’ had physical evidence on the body. Director Nam had seen Eunseong wearing short-sleeved clothes and shorts. Once, Eunseong had even taken off his top in front of him to try on a newly bought shirt, but he hadn’t discovered any mark mentioned in the prophecy.

He had a habit of meticulously observing Eunseong because of this, and Eunseong had become so accustomed to his persistent gaze that he no longer reacted even when stared at intently.

“Are you feeling unwell anywhere?”

Not only observing persistently, but asking the same question every day had now become like a routine.

“Are you hoping I’m sick somewhere?”

“Of course not. I’m just checking your condition.”

“You ask the same thing every day. Aren’t you tired of it?”

“Even if I’m tired, it’s my job, so I have to do it.”

“……”

Eunseong didn’t respond.

“Are you sure you don’t want to have lunch together?”

“It’s more comfortable to eat alone while watching something like YouTube.”

“Alright then, I’ll be going. Contact me immediately if anything happens.”

He packed his bag, got up, and took a final look around the house as if checking before leaving.

As soon as the door closed, Eunseong sighed.

Since Yoo Siwoon’s last visit, the symptoms of thinking about him had worsened. Even after such a rejection, he dreamed about the person he shouldn’t like almost every other day.

His underwear was getting wet more frequently than before. The symptoms were getting worse, and sometimes his body would heat up like uncontrollable arousal.

A few days ago, while riding in Director Nam’s car on the way home from school, he secretly took Yoo Siwoon’s zip-up shirt that was left on the back seat. When he hugged the shirt that was full of his scent and rubbed it against his cheek, his face would turn red, and he would feel an urgent need to urinate as if his bladder was about to burst, even after he had just gone to the bathroom.

After such days, although nothing hurt, his body felt completely drained of energy. A sense of helplessness that made him not want to do anything weighed down his entire body, and in fact, he didn’t feel like eating anything today either.

If Director Nam had insisted on eating together, saying it was part of his job, he would have been genuinely annoyed. Sensing his feelings, he had stared at Eunseong for a while before leaving.

The eyes he had met just before the elevator doors closed wouldn’t leave his mind.

Something was wrong. A fear swept over him that what was wrong was falling in an even worse direction.

Since that day, Eunseong had been preparing for his second escape. It couldn’t be as careless as the first time. He was determined not to act impulsively. Director Nam and Yoo Siwoon had said they would be going on a business trip soon. That time when they would be away on the trip was the last chance to make a move. He had to end this improper emotion that he had mentioned.

The day after deciding to leave home, Eunseong got a spare phone that a classmate was going to throw away. Wherever he went, a phone was essential. He also sold a few more clothes and sneakers.

The initial plan was to buy a train ticket to a place geographically farthest from Yoo Siwoon, where his reach would be difficult. But after thinking carefully, he thought it might be better to hide in the complexity of Seoul, as the darkest place is under the lamp, and finding a job was also an issue. Loitering in a countryside with no young people would be more conspicuous.

In just a month, Eunseong would no longer be a teenager. He would be an adult. He had no desire to become an heir to a chaebol family. If he stayed here, Eunseong would never be able to escape from Yoo Siwoon, and every time they met, he would live riding a rollercoaster of hope and despair, unable to distinguish whether that person’s eyes held thirst or disgust towards him. A life swayed by someone else was not what he wanted.

If only Yoo Siwoon clearly disliked him, it seemed he could give up. What troubled Eunseong was the illusion that he seemed to have the same feelings.

Eunseong was learning anew every night since that day, recalling Yoo Siwoon’s eyes, that nothing makes a person suffer as much as hope. And that’s why the word ‘torture’ is added to describe hope.

∞ ∞ ∞

After his first runaway attempt, the surveillance-like security had gradually loosened as he only went between academy and home for several months, and it became even more relaxed as days passed after the college entrance exam. They didn’t know what Eunseong was planning, nor did they want to know. It was the same on the day when Director Nam and Yoo Siwoon were supposed to go on their business trip.

It had been snowing since morning. It was the first snow of the season and a heavy one at that. The road to school was starting to get blocked. After the college entrance exam, the senior classrooms had become so lax that some students didn’t even attend. Even if he said he couldn’t come because of the heavy snow, the homeroom teacher would probably not care either way, but Eunseong, sitting in the back seat of the car, was anxiously checking the time on his phone repeatedly. The security guard driving the car saw Eunseong fidgeting through the rearview mirror and asked what was wrong.

“Ah, I have something I’m in charge of at school today. I need to get there quickly.”

“It looks like we might be delayed. Couldn’t you call and say you’ll be late?”

“The other kids don’t know how to do it without me. Are we going to be very late? I think it might be faster to walk from here, it wouldn’t even take 10 minutes.”

As Eunseong claimed, the car was stuck in traffic congestion near the school. News about multiple accidents occurring in Seoul due to the heavy snowfall was playing on the traffic broadcast that the security guard had on.

“Then do you want to walk from here? There should be an umbrella there.”

He was going to pretend to be more restless to subtly urge the guard, but the guard spoke to Eunseong first, willingly.

“That would be better, right? It would be faster to just walk than go by car.”

“I’ll turn on the hazard lights. Be careful and watch out when you get out.”

He turned on the emergency lights. It was when Eunseong opened the car door and put one foot on the ground.

“Eunseong.”

“…Yes?”

Startled, Eunseong turned to look at the security guard with a flinch. The guard smiled slightly and said,

“Take the umbrella. Your clothes will get wet if you’re in the snow.”

“Ah, yes. Thank you.”

Eunseong grasped the umbrella that was placed where he pointed.

“Take care then.”

“…Yes. Drive safely.”

When Director Nam had lost Eunseong, Yoo Siwoon had rarely gotten angry. Those two, who seemed to be his close associates and quite close to each other, had never shown such a clear hierarchical relationship as at that time. The troubled face of Director Nam, apologizing for not fulfilling his responsibility, was still vivid in his memory.

It seemed that the hardship the security guard would face if he disappeared would be no less severe than what Director Nam had experienced, if not worse. In the worst case, he might even lose his job.

He felt sorry for the guard who had always been kind to him. Eunseong hesitated for a moment, then tightly closed his eyes. He firmly grasped the umbrella and got out of the car. As soon as he closed the car door, the car in front finally started to move a little. But it was only a short walking distance, so Eunseong quickly overtook the car.

He walked slowly down the snowy street with the umbrella. A cold wind crept into his nape, chilling his back. His body started to tremble. Regardless of the reason, it was weather that made him newly realize that there’s nothing more foolish than running away in winter.