Genshin Impact: I Opened Blind Boxes in Liyue

The deck of the Crux Fleet's flagship, *The Alcor*, rocked violently in the thunderstorm. Ling Feng clung to the mast for dear life, watching Lumine leap like an agile squirrel between the swaying cargo crates—she was trying to salvage the last Sweet Madame from a barrel that had been washed open by the waves. A bolt of lightning struck the bow, illuminating Captain Beidou's wild grin. "Hahaha! This is even more thrilling than fighting Haishan! Crew, hoist the sails to the top!" 

"Captain! The sails are on fire!" Kazuha's voice cut through the storm as he used his Anemo powers to blow the burning sailcloth into a giant flaming pinwheel. Ling Feng watched in horror as the fireball spun toward the cabin before suddenly remembering something. He pulled a blind box from his pocket and shouted, "Catch! *One Piece*-themed Fire Extinguisher Summon Card!" 

Lumine leaped into the air, snatching the box mid-flight. But instead of foam, the box spewed out a ton of Bubble Mart collab Hydro Slimes. Hundreds of gelatinous creatures went *squish-squish* as they bounced toward the flames, filling the deck with steam. When the smoke cleared, the sails had transformed into translucent slime gel, refracting rainbow hues under the lightning. 

As *The Alcor* docked at Ritou, Ling Feng's shop sign was struck by lightning, leaving only the charred characters "Blind Box Shop" intact. Thoma rushed into the cabin with a fireproof shield. "Mr. Ling! General Kujou says your shop is suspected of spreading 'non-eternal items' and plans to confiscate all blind boxes!" 

Lumine peeked out from behind a crate, clutching a Jueyun Chili she'd brought from Liyue. "Confiscate? They'll have to get through my Dull Blade first!" She struck a battle pose, only to be yanked back by Ling Feng—who was crouched behind a crate assembling a *Doraemon*-style Anywhere Door. 

"We need to outsmart them!" Ling Feng painted the doorframe in the same vermilion as the Grand Narukami Shrine. "For example... sending a 'little surprise' to Inazuma's big shots." 

---

Morning light filtered through the carved wooden windows of Tenshukaku, slicing across the floor where the Raiden Shogun sat, her polearm *Engulfing Lightning* resting across her lap. Her gaze was fixed on the lacquered golden blind box on the table before her—a "tribute" sent by Yae Miko that morning. The box was inscribed with the words **"Eternal Surprise"** and bore a pink sticky note in messy handwriting: *"Dear Ei, even Saiguu has never seen something like this~"* 

"The Guuji said this item concerns Inazuma's future," Kujou Sara reported, kneeling with her tengu wings twitching nervously. "But I believe such an unverified object..." 

"No matter." The Shogun's fingers tapped the box, producing a crisp metallic sound. "If it is Miko's gift, I shall assess its worth myself." 

The moment the box opened, an arc of electricity crackled inside. A palm-sized holographic projector floated out, displaying a pixelated chibi version of the Raiden Shogun with a speech bubble: *"Mas~ter~ Don't forget to feed me dango~"* 

The Shogun's eyes narrowed. "What is this?" 

She poked the projection, and the pixelated figure immediately hugged her finger, nuzzling it while *Kirby* eating sound effects played in the background. To make matters worse, all the candles in Tenshukaku flickered into heart shapes, and the guards' armor outside began blasting *Ren'ai Circulation*. 

"Ding! Raiden Shogun has obtained *Tamagotchi* Raiden Baby Raising Kit," read Sayu, who had been napping on the rafters and was startled awake by the system notification. "Reminder: If the digital pet dies, the device will loop *unravel* for three days in mourning." 

The Shogun's polearm clattered to the ground. "Eternal subjects have no need for such frivolous..." Before she could finish, the pixelated figure teared up and displayed a message: *"Shogun mean! No dango, no work!"* Simultaneously, all the candles in Tenshukaku extinguished, and the Sacred Sakura began shedding pink petals. 

Kujou Sara stumbled in the dark, knocking over a screen. "Your Excellency! Shall I summon Electro lighting?" 

"Unnecessary." The Shogun's voice was tight as she rummaged through hidden compartments. "Where did I store the tri-colored dango..." 

---

When Lumine sneaked the second blind box into Tenshukaku, the Shogun was feeding her digital pet its seventh skewer of dango. The box burst open with a rainbow laser light show, spewing out twenty T-shirts printed with slogans like **"Raiden Shogun #1!"** and **"Milk-Scented Slash!"** The most outrageous one featured a fanart of the Shogun carrying Yae Miko in a princess hold, surrounded by cherry blossoms and *Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun*-style text: *"Today, I'll stick close to the Guuji~"* 

"Outrageous!" The Shogun's Electro aura made the beams creak, but the T-shirts activated *Pretty Cure* transformation effects, automatically dressing everyone present. Kujou Sara's black armor turned into a pink frilly dress, the guards became maid-outfitted musclemen, and even a passing oni sported a **"Raiden Shogun Fan Club President"** headband. 

"My, my~" Yae Miko's hologram popped out of one of the T-shirt prints. "This limited edition is based on a certain bathing scene from 500 years ago~ Oh, and the Watatsumi resistance has already pre-ordered 500 sets!" 

The Shogun's polearm slashed through the hologram, only cutting a few virtual fox hairs. Sayu snapped photos from the rafters, deciding to use the **"Shogun's Flustered Face"** as the Shuumatsuban's new ID card. Meanwhile, Lumine crouched in a corner recording a vlog with a *Spy x Family*-style camera: "Double-tap to watch the Raiden Shogun's fashion show!" 

When the third blind box began vibrating, the Shogun had already erected a barrier resembling the Musou no Hitotachi. But instead of an object, the box released a *Phoenix Wright*-style Magatama trial system: 

**"Question: What is the essence of Inazuma's eternity?"** 

A. Stagnation 

B. Dynamic Balance 

C. Everyone loves tri-colored dango 

The Shogun's fingertips crackled with Electro energy. "Preposterous! Eternity is not a joke..." 

**"Violence detected. Activating penalty protocol—"** 

The Tenshukaku ceiling rained down *Animal Crossing*-style shooting stars, each engraved with Yae Miko's mocking emoticons. Worse, the meteors transformed into dango slimes that chased the guards while dancing to *Shin Takarajima*. The Shogun's slashes were broadcast live across Inazuma, and the Watatsumi resistance even started a betting pool. Kokomi held up a sign in Sangonomiya Shrine: **"I bet on Option C! Odds 1:1000!"** 

The final vermilion blind box, gifted by Yae Miko herself, bore a heart-shaped fox fur design. When opened, it revealed a miniature Shogun puppet lying on silk—until the Shogun touched it. 

"Eternity requires backups," the puppet said, activating and summoning an *Evangelion*-style Lance of Longinus. "According to Yae Publishing House data, 99% of subjects wish to see the Shogun in a maid outfit." 

The real Shogun and the puppet clashed atop Tenshukaku, their weapons sparking thunderstorms. Lumine poked Ling Feng. "What did you even put in that box?" 

"Just a *Honkai Impact 3rd* Raiden Mei figurine," Ling Feng said, dodging flying debris. "Who knew Miko would add so much flair?! Wait... why does that lance have 'Yae Miko love' engraved on it?!" 

When the puppet pulled out a *Sailor Moon* Moon Prism Wand, the Shogun's digital pet evolved into a *Digimon* WarGreymon. The two Electro creatures unleashed their ultimate moves above Inazuma City, turning the cherry blossoms into permed hairstyles and sending Ayaka fleeing from the hot springs with an electrified afro. 

When the smoke cleared, the Shogun sat amidst the ruins, mechanically holding half a tri-colored dango. Yae Miko appeared, her tail swaying as she dangled a new blind box. "Shall we continue testing eternity?" 

The Shogun was silent for a long time before stuffing the dango into Miko's mouth. "By this time tomorrow, I expect a full inspection report on all blind boxes." As she turned to leave, a *Genshin Impact* 10-pull wish slip fell from her sleeve. 

Ling Feng, hiding in the shadows, muttered as he surveyed the ruins of Tenshukaku. "System, are you sure the Shogun didn't pull anything dangerous?" 

**"Ding! Raiden Shogun has unlocked the hidden achievement—'Eternity Breaker.' Reward: [Plane of Euthymia-themed Blind Box Shop Blueprint] ×1."**