ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!

"Ugh! Why do you have to lock me up anyway?" I groaned, leaning against the cold bars of the cell.

One of the guards scratched his head awkwardly. "Uh... I think it's procedure. They'll probably check your background again and again."

"Background? I just got here! How much background could I even have?!" I threw my hands up in exasperation.

The guard shrugged. "Hey, not my call. Just doing my job, crazy guy."

I sighed and slumped on the wooden bench. "Will that beautiful woman be here tomorrow?"

The guard chuckled, leaning on his spear. "Madam works from morning till evening, so yeah, you'll see her."

"Why do you call her 'madam'?" I asked, tilting my head.

The guard glanced around as if to ensure no one else was listening. "Err... because she's higher rank than even the captain. She's important."

My eyes widened. "Really? A big shot! No wonder she's beautiful and confident. Damn, I think I'm in love!"

The guard rolled his eyes. "Sure you are, crazy guy."

Just then, my stomach growled loudly, making us both pause. I laughed nervously. "Oh, uh... I'm kinda hungry and thirsty... Care to bring me some food?"

He raised an eyebrow, smirking. "You want room service in a cell?"

I grinned cheekily. "If I'm locked up for no reason, the least you could do is keep me fed. Come on!"

The guard sighed, turning toward the hallway. "Fine, I'll grab something from the mess hall. Don't expect anything fancy."

"Hey, anything's better than starving! Thanks, buddy!" I called as he walked off.

Waiting, I looked around the cell. It wasn't terrible—there was a pillow and a barely passable mattress, a sink, and a half-partitioned toilet for some privacy.

Just when I wondered when the guard would return, the sound of clinking armor caught my attention. It was her—the gorgeous woman from earlier—walking in with a tray of food.

"Oh, beautiful! You're here!"

She sighed, pushing the tray through the bars. "Just eat your food."

I stared at the tray, loaded with bread, meat, and soup. "This is... a lot!"

She crossed her arms, clearly impatient. "Yes, yes. Now eat."

But I couldn't resist. "Can I at least touch your hand?"

She narrowed her eyes. "What for?"

I grinned. "They called you old, but I don't believe it. If I can caress your hand, I'll know!"

After a long moment of consideration, she sighed and extended her hand through the bars. "Haaa... fine. Here."

I gently took her hand, marveling at its softness. "Wow... so soft... definitely not old. See? I knew it!"

She yanked her hand back quickly, her cheeks faintly pink. "You're ridiculous. Just eat your food."

As she turned to leave, I called after her. "Hey, beautiful! Does this mean you'll think about being my girlfriend?"

She didn't answer, but I swear I saw her shoulders tense.

As she turned to leave, I called out again, unable to help myself. "Hey, beautiful! I've never had a girlfriend before... be my girlfriend, please!"

She stopped mid-step, her back still to me. For a moment, I thought she might ignore me. Then she turned her head slightly, her voice sharp but amused. "What kind of person asks someone to be their girlfriend while sitting in a cell?"

I grinned, leaning against the bars. "The kind who knows how lucky he'd be to have someone as gorgeous as you. Come on, take a chance on me! I'm fun, charming, and clearly persistent."

She rolled her eyes and faced me fully. "You're also broke, locked up, and apparently a little insane. Not exactly boyfriend material."

"Hey, everyone has their flaws! At least I'm honest about mine," I shot back, flashing what I hoped was a winning smile.

She huffed, shaking her head, trying to stifle a laugh. "Just eat your food before it gets cold, crazy guy."

"So you're saying there's a chance?" I teased, leaning closer to the bars.

She didn't answer, but I could have sworn I saw the faintest smile on her lips before she turned and left the room.

"Well, it was time to eat. I picked up the bread and took a big bite, but I made a face. 'Blergh... not very tasty. Whatever. Better than being hungry.'

As I chewed, my mind started to wander. What was I supposed to do when I got out of this cell? I hoped they wouldn't keep me locked up forever for no reason.

'Hmm… maybe I should keep asking her to be my girlfriend.' I smiled at the thought and took another bite of the plain bread.

I leaned back on the hard mattress, looking at the ceiling as I thought about her. If she was really 50, like the guards said… she didn't look it at all. Her skin was smooth, her lips were full, and she didn't even wear makeup. Honestly, she looked no older than 20.

'I wouldn't mind at all.' I grinned to myself. Who cares about age when someone looks like that? Her being so beautiful at 50 just made her even more amazing.

Taking another bite of the bread, I decided to keep trying. 'Yeah, I'll just keep at it. Persistence is key, right?'

And hey, if I played my cards right, I might finally have my first girlfriend. What better way to start my life in this new world?

'Eheheh…' I chuckled to myself, taking another bite of the bland bread. 'I don't care. As long as she's beautiful and hot, I'm getting my first girlfriend—a real girlfriend, finally.'

I leaned back against the wall, a proud smile on my face. 'Lucky for me, those pretty boys aren't around this time. If they were, they'd definitely try to take her too.'

The thought of those handsome guys flirting with her made me shiver. No way I was letting that happen here. I had the advantage.

I clenched my fist dramatically. 'This time, it's my turn to shine! No pretty boys to mess things up, no boss lady to push me aside. It's just me and my determination!'

I looked at the empty tray and sighed. 'Well, after I get out of this cell, of course.'

With new energy, I lay back on the mattress. 'Beautiful lady, just wait. You'll see my charm soon enough!'

Later that night, I couldn't sleep. Of course, I couldn't—it was too quiet. No city sounds, no people talking, just eerie silence. It was unsettling.

I sat up on the creaky mattress and looked around. That's when I saw someone new come into the room, taking over for the beautiful lady.

"Huh?" My heart sank. Instead of her pretty face, there was a big, gruff-looking man with a scruffy beard and muscular arms.

"Damn it," I muttered under my breath. "Where's the beauty? Why'd they send a muscle wall?"

The man sat down at the desk outside my cell and started eating something from a small container. The smell came into my cell, making my stomach growl.

"Hey, pal..." I called out, leaning against the bars. "What are you eating? It smells good. Can I try some?"

The man looked up, raised an eyebrow, and chuckled. "Oh, the crazy guy."

"Come on, don't be like that!" I gave him my best pleading look. "I'm not crazy, I swear. Just hungry. That bread earlier? Barely edible."

He shook his head, trying not to laugh. "Sorry, buddy. No can do. This is my dinner."

"Aw, come on! Have a heart!" I pressed my face against the bars. "Look, I'll trade you… uh..." I patted my empty pockets. "Okay, I've got nothing. But think of the karma points!"

The guard smirked, holding up the container teasingly. "This is my wife's cooking, so no can do. It's sacred."

I groaned and pressed my forehead against the bars. "Ugh! Just let me try one bite! I swear I'm good at tasting flavors. Honest feedback guaranteed."

The guard looked at me suspiciously, chewing more slowly. "Tasting flavors, huh? You better not insult my wife's cooking."

"I wouldn't dare!" I held up my hands defensively. "C'mon, just one! I promise I won't take more."

He sighed, clearly thinking about it. Finally, he pointed at me. "Fine. But just one. If you take more, I swear I'll choke you. Got it?"

I grinned, almost drooling. "Geez! Thank you! You're my hero."

He reached into the container, picked out a small piece of what looked like a dumpling, and carefully handed it through the bars. I grabbed it like it was treasure, sniffed it dramatically, and popped it into my mouth.

The flavors exploded—savory, perfectly seasoned, with a hint of spice. "Oh… my… GOD!" I clutched my chest, pretending to swoon. "Your wife is a cooking goddess!!"

The guard laughed hard, almost spilling his food. "You've got some nerve, crazy guy."

"I'm serious! That was amazing!" I licked my lips, staring at the container like a starving dog. "So, uh… how about one more?"

His laughter stopped quickly, and his face became serious. "Not a chance. I warned you. One's all you get."

I backed away, hands up. "Alright, alright! No need to choke me. Jeez."

As he went back to his meal, I sighed dramatically and flopped back onto the mattress. "Still worth it," I mumbled, enjoying the taste in my mouth.

( End of Chapter )