The Thief, The Trickster, and The Stolen Kiss

Kain woke up to the unsettling feeling that something was very, very wrong.

Not the usual "Oh no, I stole the wrong artifact and now the guards are after me" kind of wrong.

No.

This was a different kind of existential disaster.

Something felt off.

There was a weight on his chest.

Something warm and soft pressed against him.

His still-groggy brain took too long to process what exactly was happening.

Then—

His eyes shot open.

And he found himself nose-to-nose with Tsuki, who was sleeping soundly on top of him.

Silence.

Kain's soul left his body.

His entire being tensed as he realized—

She wasn't just sleeping near him.

She had somehow sprawled across his chest, one of her arms draped over his stomach, legs tangled with his, and her face dangerously close to his.

Her ears twitched slightly, her soft breath tickling his neck.

Kain froze.

His brain screamed internally.

He very, very slowly turned his head and looked down at his own glowing chest mark.

Still there.

Still mocking him.

This wasn't a dream.

This was real.

"Oh gods."

Tsuki stirred slightly, mumbling something incoherent in her sleep. Her tails flicked lazily behind her.

Kain clenched his jaw. "Okay. Stay calm. Don't panic. There's a logical explanation for this. Probably."

He took a very slow breath.

And then—

"TSUKI, WHAT THE HELL?!"

Tsuki's eyes snapped open.

For a brief moment, she looked confused.

Then, she blinked at him sleepily.

Then—

Her expression changed entirely.

"…Oh."

She tilted her head, realizing exactly where she was.

Her golden eyes flicked down.

She saw her arm resting across his chest.

Her legs tangled with his.

Her face far too close to his.

A beat of absolute silence.

Then—

"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

In a frantic explosion of movement, Tsuki shot backward, rolling off Kain and tumbling straight onto the floor with a loud thud.

Kain jerked upright, gripping his blanket like a lifeline. "WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON ME?!"

Tsuki popped up from the floor, ears flattened against her head, completely flustered. "I DON'T KNOW!"

"HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW?!"

"I WAS JUST—!" She pointed at the bed, then at herself, then at him, her hands flailing wildly. "I FELL ASLEEP AND— I DON'T USUALLY STAY ASLEEP— BUT— I WOKE UP THERE AND—!!!"

They both stared at each other, breathing heavily.

Then, as the full weight of the situation hit them, they both turned bright red.

"Oh gods," Kain groaned, burying his face in his hands. "This just keeps getting worse."

Tsuki clutched her head, ears twitching violently. "This CAN'T be happening! I don't even sleep near people!"

Kain froze. "Wait. What?"

She looked at him, panicked. "I mean— I don't—! I just—!" She pointed at his chest mark again. "THIS STUPID THING! It's probably YOUR fault!"

"HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?!"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ACTIVATED IT!"

"YOU KISSED ME THREE TIMES!"

"YOU KISSED ME TWICE FIRST!"

"WHY ARE WE YELLING?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

They both collapsed back onto the bed, groaning.

A long, painful silence followed.

Then—

"So…" Kain said slowly, still staring at the ceiling. "This is a thing now?"

Tsuki let out a suffering sigh. "Apparently."

"I hate this."

"So do I."

They both knew that was a lie.

But neither of them said it.

Kain exhaled sharply. "Alright. We need to get serious. What the hell is happening?"

Tsuki grumbled, rolling onto her stomach and burying her face in the blanket. "Mmm… something about the bond strengthening. Probably. Maybe. I don't know."

"You are the worst goddess ever."

"You married me, so whose fault is that?"

Kain grabbed a pillow and whacked her with it. "WE ARE NOT USING THAT WORD!"

Tsuki wheeze-laughed, her tails flicking as she smacked him back with her own pillow. "Hnnn, my dear divine partner, I think you'll have to accept reality sooner or later~."

"I am going to strangle you."

"You wouldn't dare~."

Kain glared at her. Then, in one swift motion, he grabbed her by the waist and flipped her over onto the bed, pinning her down.

"Try me."

For a moment, silence.

Tsuki's golden eyes widened slightly.

Kain realized exactly what he just did.

They stared at each other.

The room suddenly felt ten degrees hotter.

Kain's brain screamed at him to move, but Tsuki…

Tsuki just grinned.

"Oh? Taking the initiative now, are we~?"

Kain jerked back immediately, nearly falling off the bed. "NOPE. NOPE. I'M DONE. I'M DONE WITH TODAY."

Tsuki burst out laughing. "Ohhh~, I am NEVER letting you live this down."

"I hate my life," Kain muttered.

Tsuki just grinned wider.

She had never felt more entertained.

---

A loud knock at the door jolted Kain out of his spiraling thoughts.

He had barely come to terms with waking up to Tsuki using him as a pillow, and now, reality refused to give him a break.

Another series of sharp, impatient knocks.

"Nope." Kain turned over and buried himself under the blankets. "I'm not dealing with whatever fresh hell this is today."

Tsuki, sitting cross-legged on the bed, grinned as she flicked one of her tails against his head. "Ooooh~, but what if it's an invitation for a lovely breakfast~?"

Kain muttered into the pillow. "Then they can slide it under the door."

The knocking turned into loud, authoritative pounding.

"Sir Kain," came a very unamused voice from the other side. "The Princess has summoned you. Immediately."

Kain let out a long, suffering groan. "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming."

Tsuki stretched lazily. "Ooooh~, this is going to be good~."

Kain whipped around, glaring at her. "You're not coming."

Tsuki gasped dramatically, pressing a hand to her chest. "My own husband, denying me?"

Kain launched a pillow at her. "DON'T. USE. THAT. WORD."

She dodged effortlessly, giggling. "Aww, you're so cute when you're in denial~."

Kain stomped toward the door, muttering under his breath, "I hate my life."

---

The moment Kain entered the royal hall, he felt every single noble, knight, and attendant's eyes lock onto him.

The air was tense, thick with an energy he did not like.

Princess Lysara sat at the head of the chamber, her usually stoic expression betraying something much sharper—something unsettled.

Beside her, a high-ranking priest stood stiffly, his hands slowly weaving through the air, feeling something unseen.

Kain's stomach dropped.

This was bad.

"Ooooooh~," Tsuki whispered beside him. "They look like they've seen a ghost."

Kain muttered through clenched teeth. "I swear to every god, Tsuki—not now."

Lysara's gaze sharpened. "You. Explain. Now."

Kain blinked. "Uh. Good morning to you too?"

The priest stepped forward, eyes scanning him with thinly veiled unease. "Your Highness… I fear something profound has happened to this man."

Kain immediately felt attacked. "Alright, can we cool it with the ominous phrasing?"

The priest lifted a hand, murmuring something under his breath. A wave of golden light pulsed outward, washing over Kain.

Then the priest stumbled back.

His eyes widened in pure disbelief.

"This presence…"

Kain internally screamed.

Lysara sat forward, her frown deepening. "What is it?"

The priest, visibly disturbed, hesitated. "I— There is… divine energy radiating from him. It's… unlike anything I've ever sensed before."

The entire hall stiffened.

Lysara's gaze snapped to Kain. "Explain. Now."

Kain held up his hands. "Okay, listen, it's not as bad as it sounds—"

Tsuki cut him off immediately. "This idiot just married a divine being."

Silence.

The entire hall stopped breathing.

Lysara's jaw dropped.

The priest staggered back, gripping his staff like it might protect him from the sheer stupidity in the air.

A knight nearly dropped his sword.

A noblewoman choked on her drink.

Kain, expression frozen in pure horror, slowly turned to Tsuki.

"YOU SAID IT. YOU ACTUALLY SAID IT."

Tsuki beamed. "Oh yes~. And I regret nothing."

Lysara, still in pure shock, slowly stood.

"I'm sorry. You WHAT?!"

Kain collapsed onto the nearest chair, rubbing his temples like a man at his absolute limit.

"I hate everything."