The Thief, The Trickster, and The Stolen Kiss

Kain sat at the center of the royal hall, surrounded by nobles, knights, and one very smug fox goddess, while his brain slowly melted out of his ears.

Across from him, Princess Lysara had not blinked in the last minute.

To her right, the priest clutched his staff like it was his last line of defense against insanity.

To Kain's left, Tsuki sat cross-legged on the table, ears twitching, grinning like a menace.

Nobody moved.

Then—

Lysara slammed her hands on the table.

"YOU MARRIED A GODDESS?!"

Kain threw up his hands. "NOT ON PURPOSE!"

The priest, still pale as death, muttered something about cosmic disasters.

Lysara rubbed her temples aggressively. "Kain, you absolute imbecile. Do you have any idea what this means?!"

Kain clawed at his face. "NO! I DON'T! I'VE ONLY KNOWN HER FOR TWO DAYS!"

Silence.

A noble choked on their drink.

A knight dropped his sword.

Lysara's eye twitched so hard it looked like she was going to snap.

Tsuki, meanwhile, was having the time of her life.

"Ohhh~ what a whirlwind romance~," she purred. "Two days together, and he just couldn't resist claiming me~."

Kain whipped toward her, eyes bloodshot. "DON'T MAKE IT SOUND WORSE!"

Lysara threw her hands in the air. "TWO. DAYS. TWO DAYS, KAIN?!"

The priest clutched his chest, wheezing. "This… this level of divine connection… it's unheard of. An unbreakable celestial bond forming in two days—this should not be possible."

Kain shot both hands toward the ceiling. "THANK YOU! Someone with sense!"

Tsuki snickered. "Mmm~ Or maybe we were just fatefully destined to be together~."

Kain turned back to Lysara, looking like a man on the verge of a breakdown.

"Princess. Please. You know me. You know I would never voluntarily sign up for something this stupid."

Lysara pinched the bridge of her nose. "Unfortunately, that part I do believe."

The priest looked ready to pass out. "This bond will not go unnoticed. Other divine beings—other gods—may take an interest. Or worse… see it as a threat."

Kain sat bolt upright. "WHAT?!"

Lysara's face paled slightly. "You mean…?"

The priest nodded grimly. "If this bond is real, it means Kain is now directly tied to divine affairs. Beings from other realms may seek to test him—or eliminate him."

Kain let out the loudest, most dramatic groan of his life. "HOW DID MY LIFE TURN INTO THIS?!"

Tsuki leaned on his shoulder. "Mmm~ Marriage can be difficult, dear~."

Kain grabbed a goblet from the table and threw it at her.

She dodged effortlessly, cackling.

Lysara exhaled sharply, turning to the priest. "I want answers. Gather whatever scholars you need. I need to know exactly what this bond means."

The priest nodded quickly and hurried away, likely to consult every holy text in existence.

Kain slumped into his chair. "I should have just stuck to stealing artifacts."

Tsuki tilted her head, grinning. "But then we never would have met~."

Kain looked at her, completely dead inside.

"Exactly."

Lysara crossed her arms. "Until we figure this out, you are not leaving the palace."

Kain sat up immediately. "Excuse me?!"

Lysara's eyes gleamed. "Congratulations. You're now an official diplomatic hazard."

Kain gasped in betrayal. "YOU CAN'T JUST DECLARE ME A POLITICAL ISSUE!"

Tsuki giggled. "Oh, but you ARE, dear thief~."

Kain groaned into the table. "I hate everything."

Lysara stood. "Kain, welcome to your new life. Whether you like it or not."

Kain let out a very long, very dramatic groan.

Tsuki grinned wider. "Oh, my dear husband, this is only the beginning~."

Kain threw another cup at her.

---

Lysara's jaw remained open, her mind still struggling to process what she had just heard.

Then, after a long pause, she finally exhaled sharply, fingers digging into the table.

"Kain." Her voice was eerily calm—too calm. "How. Did. This. Happen?"

Kain froze, suddenly feeling like a rat trapped in a corner.

His brain screamed for an **answer—any answer—**that didn't make him sound like a complete and utter moron.

"Uh—" He ran a hand through his hair, glancing toward Tsuki.

She was grinning.

She knew he was scrambling.

She loved that he was scrambling.

Her golden eyes sparkled mischievously, her tails swaying lazily behind her.

"Ohhh~" Tsuki purred, leaning forward. "Yes, Kain. Tell her how it happened~."

Kain felt every ounce of blood drain from his face.

"You—" He whipped toward her, voice barely restrained. "You stop that right now."

Tsuki's grin widened. "What's wrong, my dear thief? Feeling shy?"

Kain's eye twitched violently. "I will throw you out the window."

"So violent! And after everything we've been through?" She sighed dramatically, pressing a hand to her chest. "I thought what we had was special~."

"IT'S NOT SPECIAL!"

Lysara slammed a hand on the table. "Enough! Just explain the damn bond!"

Tsuki rolled her eyes, sighing. "Fiiiine, but you're not going to like it~."

Her usual smug arrogance wavered, just for a moment.

Then—she sighed.

"This… isn't supposed to happen."

Kain and Lysara both stiffened.

"I mean exactly that, Princess." Tsuki gestured between herself and Kain, motioning to the glowing mark on his chest. "This? It's not how my magic is supposed to work."

Lysara's frown deepened. "Then what is it supposed to do?"

Tsuki sighed. "A prank. A harmless trick."

She exhaled sharply. "And yet, somehow, this absolute dumbass—" she jabbed Kain's arm, making him flinch, "—actually triggered it correctly."

Lysara stared. "So you can break it, right?"

Tsuki went silent.

Too silent.

Then—she sighed.

"I have no idea how to break it."

Silence.

Lysara and Kain exchanged a horrified look.

Tsuki beamed.

"The fun hasn't even started yet~."